Yes, you read that right, I'm 14 weeks pregnant! Shocked?! I certainly was, when I found out that I was pregnant. It's been a while since I've wrote as there's been so much that has happened in my life.
I am truly blessed to become a mother again. I have a soon to be 14-year old and a little bambino on the way with an expected arrival around Feb 5.
Here I'll write all of my musings, rants, venting, and just keep it 100% real with you all. It seems all things aligned to get us here on this part of the journey. Over the past several months since late winter my family and I have endured so much change. We've experienced loss, grief, pain and tremendous tests of our faith. God has brought us through it all and through all of it - we would have never expected on the other end of it - a new life.
Well, I was in denial, the signs/symptoms were there but they can be easily interpreted as signs that you're about to get your menses. The problem is it never showed up - I have a family history of hypothyroidism - I've even had a close brush with it in the past back in 2009. I naturally treated myself through supplementation and nutrition and my thyroid has been functioning without issue since. I had recently had my thyroid checked back in Feb - so that was not the issue.
I also noticed I had a strong aversion to chicken, the smell, look, taste, I could not be around Chicken at all. My eating habits started changing, I am usually a clean eater and I never crave candy - like ever. I had to have gummy bears, tootsie rolls, and some other stuff I typically don't eat as an adult. I started carb loading - I had cravings from potato salad, mac n cheese etc. I also felt exhausted, I couldn't get enough sleep and I peed several times a night. The peeing and sleeping were typical signs of Aunt Flo showing - but it took a while to realize she wasn't coming.
All of these signs and I was STILL in denial about being preggers - not to mention my sister (I call her "Sissy") for telling me she had a dream about me being pregnant! Talk about DENIAL - not the river in Egypt either.
I just kept saying I was "hormonal" and I continued to not acknowledge the possibility that I may be pregnant. If I'm going to be honest with you, I think it's in part because I've been through this before, and found that I wasn't pregnant and did not want to have to come to terms with thinking about the possibility of new life - which I welcome wholeheartedly and then there not being a life present. I would have been angry with my body betraying me with the false hope of something so promising. I love children, I love babies, I absolutely love being a mother, and my son has wanted to be a big brother. I would have felt discouraged and let down for even thinking the thought, so I didn't.
Then the symptoms got to a point where I could no longer ignore them. I decided to cave - I purchased several home pregnancy tests. I had mixed feelings about using these due to my past experiences with them. I tossed all of my anxiety aside and I peed on the stick. It was June 17th, I was sitting on the squatter with test 1 in hand. Waiting and waiting and waiting. I see 1 line then I see another - the second line was faint - but it was clearly visible.
I allowed the very real possibility of being pregnant to finally sink in. I sat there in my bathroom for a while. I was a mixed bag of emotions ranging from elation to downright anxiety/fear. The anxiety and fear part stemmed from me worrying about a number of things from me being prepared for such a major change - so much change, and of course starting over. I quickly decided to dismiss all of those feelings and focus on the positive.
I sent a video to my significant other of the test and I also took several of the tests over the next several days/weeks. They all came back positive. We shared our news with our closest family and friends and decided to wait until after our first Ultrasound/wellness visits to share the news with the rest of the world.
Until Next Post,